I came across this post on reddit recently:
It was so good for so long after we had the first talk. Once a week at best now. The number of windows that have to line up perfectly is increasing beyond any real hope. Kids. Dogs. Feelings. How her day went. What’s on her mind. What time it is.
Why am I jumping through all the hoops while she gets to do nothing? How is it that I’ve become the one always asking?
It doesn’t feel like she wants me sexually anymore. Maybe I’m overreacting. I don’t know what to do. If I try another Talk she’ll say that I get this way if we don’t have sex for a week. That I need to wait.
Wait for what?
Buddy, she is giving you the runaround. Jumping through more hoops isn’t going to make her vagina wet and that’s a fact. The harsh truth is that clearly she has lost most sexual interest. Could be you, could be something to do with her. Bottom line is that pestering her for sex is only going to make the problem worse.
I had a similar problem about a year back. My SO was working a lot, kept blowing me off for ‘work stuff.’ Our sex life wasn’t awful, it was like 1-2x per week. But still I wanted it to be more of a priority. These are the things I did that worked.
1) I had a talk similar to yours. I told her that the amount of sex we were having was unacceptable to me. Didn’t change anything.
2) I got really turned off and stopped caring about sex with her. I got really into myself and started lifting weights more than I usually would, did kickboxing, etc. I made it a point to plan things with guyfriends where she wouldn’t be coming. Not to be a dick but just to make sure we had things going on in separate spheres.
3) The turning point came when, one night after I had been really into all of this stuff, she came on to me for sex one night and I turned her down, ‘I’m just really tired tonight,’ I said. She got really upset and worried, because I basically had never turned her down for sex before. I elaborated, ‘Listen, after getting turned down all those times…idk I’m just not in the mood right now.’ I wasn’t trying to be a dick I was just legitimately salty about being turned down so many times and had other things on my mind.
After that there was a noted change in behavior and effort on her part. Ironically, a big part of it came from her noting that, ‘wow, he actually doesn’t care if we do or don’t hook up.’ Any air of desperation on my part was gone.
Remember, if she’s turning you down just work on yourself. You can’t control her reaction to you but you can control everything about yourself: Workout, diet, hobbies, etc. If you have a noted change in behavior she’ll pick up on it.
Godspeed my friend.