What Should You Do if Your Wife or GF is Turning you Down for Sex?

I came across this post on reddit recently:

It was so good for so long after we had the first talk. Once a week at best now. The number of windows that have to line up perfectly is increasing beyond any real hope. Kids. Dogs. Feelings. How her day went. What’s on her mind. What time it is.

Why am I jumping through all the hoops while she gets to do nothing? How is it that I’ve become the one always asking?

It doesn’t feel like she wants me sexually anymore. Maybe I’m overreacting. I don’t know what to do. If I try another Talk she’ll say that I get this way if we don’t have sex for a week. That I need to wait.

Wait for what?


Buddy, she is giving you the runaround. Jumping through more hoops isn’t going to make her vagina wet and that’s a fact.  The harsh truth is that clearly she has lost most sexual interest. Could be you, could be something to do with her. Bottom line is that pestering her for sex is only going to make the problem worse.

I had a similar problem about a year back. My SO was working a lot, kept blowing me off for ‘work stuff.’ Our sex life wasn’t awful, it was like 1-2x per week.  But still I wanted it to be more of a priority.  These are the things I did that worked.

1) I had a talk similar to yours. I told her that the amount of sex we were having was unacceptable to me. Didn’t change anything.

2) I got really turned off and stopped caring about sex with her. I got really into myself and started lifting weights more than I usually would, did kickboxing, etc. I made it a point to plan things with guyfriends where she wouldn’t be coming. Not to be a dick but just to make sure we had things going on in separate spheres.

3) The turning point came when, one night after I had been really into all of this stuff, she came on to me for sex one night and I turned her down, ‘I’m just really tired tonight,’ I said. She got really upset and worried, because I basically had never turned her down for sex before. I elaborated, ‘Listen, after getting turned down all those times…idk I’m just not in the mood right now.’ I wasn’t trying to be a dick I was just legitimately salty about being turned down so many times and had other things on my mind.

After that there was a noted change in behavior and effort on her part. Ironically, a big part of it came from her noting that, ‘wow, he actually doesn’t care if we do or don’t hook up.’ Any air of desperation on my part was gone.

Remember, if she’s turning you down just work on yourself. You can’t control her reaction to you but you can control everything about yourself: Workout, diet, hobbies, etc. If you have a noted change in behavior she’ll pick up on it.

Godspeed my friend.

9 responses to “What Should You Do if Your Wife or GF is Turning you Down for Sex?

  1. this is great advice. this is the kind of thing men stumble upon & at 1st it doesn’t make sense & they don’t repeat it but they need to make it a part of their life.

  2. Agreed, as a start.

    ‘wow, he actually doesn’t care if we do or don’t hook up.’

    I think the emphasis should be on ‘we’ in this sentence. It needs to be understood that he still cares whether he hooks up or not, it just may not be with her.

    Dread? Yeah. Because it is REALLY easy for a low drive partner to appreciate the lack of nagging.

    • A lot of guys see dread game as something that is ‘icky.’ But anyone who has ever made their GF jealous, either by accident or on purpose, knows that she will be hornier than ever when you hook up after jealously has been even slightly activated.

      When I used to visit my GF in college, there was this a very attractive girl (model) who had a huge crush on me from high school that we would routinely run into. I would hug the girl, and out of nowhere my GF would materialize to mate guard…the sex was always fantastic those nights.

      These type of opportunities for dread game get fewer between as you get older. So you have to create them.

  3. Excellent advice for the younger set. For your older readers who run into this many years into a relationship, I fear the only options are to take matters into your own hands (pun intended) and give up; or seek a solution beyond the parameters of your union. After a decade or two the female gender can be very quick to permanently shut the gates of paradise, especially if feminism has trickled into her psyche. This happens to the older Alphas too, not just the Betas.
    Fortunately, work, financial planning and travel fill the void and offer some opportunities for the older fellow to enjoy life.
    Just know that there are some limits to Game as the years pile up.

    • Thanks for the input. I think that this is also why choosing a good girl for your LTR at the outset is very important. She shouldn’t believe in feminism, she should be adamant about having a great sex life and staying in shape well into her 40s, and shouldn’t even think that divorce is an option. Period.

  4. This is why you need a group of “core” women – that you can always go to for sex on your terms. Then she knows that if you’re not getting it from her, you’re getting it somewhere else. And you always want to have a group that are vying to be part of the core, so if any one pulls such non-sense, you just let her fall away (just stop calling and seeing her) and move a new one in. I’ve been doing it for years and it’s the only way to ensure that your needs are met.

  5. I’m a woman who finds the Red Pill mentality interesting, but often total bullshit. The only thing “negs” have ever accomplished for me are hilarious blog posts about the assholes I date. However, I thought this was great advice. I love the emphasis on worrying about yourself and not making any effort to hurt the other person or play mind games.

    • Even if she’s dedicated to her marriage and sex life and doesn’t buy into modern feminism, the body still has physiological responses she can’t control. I’m not saying that’s a valid excuse for cutting a man off entirely, but just as men sometimes have trouble getting going, age naturally causes a woman’s sex drive to wane.

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