8 Things I learned from Living with a Beta Roommate

This past October, I quit my job as a high school teacher and moved to a large city where I have been making more money working as a server than I did as a teacher in a much easier job.  Unfortunately, all of my friends already had apartments, so I was forced to get a craigslist roommate.  I moved in with two dudes I didn’t know; one of them is a solid dude, and the other is the definition of Beta.  When I wrote the post 11 Signs you’re a Beta, I was basically just describing what he does every day.

I’m moving out next month and I’m pumped.  But every shitty experience is also a learning experience.  Here is what I learned from living with one of the Beta-ist Betas to have ever Beta’d:

8) A lot of guys are loyal to girls who aren’t even their girlfriends.

I asked my roommate, who we’ll call Frank, if he had a girlfriend and he said, ‘well no.’  So are you looking for a girlfriend?  “No. There’s this one girl I kind of like.  She lives a couple of hours away, but hopefully I’ll see her soon.”

Are you shitting me? I mean, this isn’t fucking junior high where you can only date one girl at a time or everybody gets their panties in a bunch and starts gossiping. Girls in their 20s get it; they date a fuckton of guys before they settle down.  They’ll do like 5 dates a fucking week with not an ounce of shame.  And who can blame ’em?  They need to find a suitable mate, and they only have so much time to do it before they hit the wall.  Which is men need spin plates as well, and drop this fantasy paradigm of waiting for that perfect girl.  The only reason to be monogamous is if you have had a very serious chat on the subject and are fucking routinely. 

7) I can relate to girls who are driven insane by their unmotivated husbands.

When Frank was not at work (he works freelance, mostly just the occasional night), he would be either a) Playing video games, b) watching TV, or c) surfing the web, all from the same position in our couch living room. For example, on a normal day I might leave my house at 9:30 a.m. to work out, and he’d be on the couch watching TV.  I come back at 11, he’s in the same spot on the couch. I shower, shave and eat a steak for lunch.  He’s there.  I leave our place and hit a café to work on writing for several hours, come back, and he’s still there.  I go to work for 7 hours and get back around 12, and…you guessed it…still there.  I felt this huge resentment just building up inside me.  Why doesn’t this guy work out?  Or get a hobby?  Or read a fucking book? Or go pick up chicks? I felt sorry for his girlfriends, past and present. I saw them screaming at him ‘why don’t you DO something’ as they fucked some ambitious guy on the side.  Yea, it must suck to be married to an unambitious blob who does nothing.

6) To be Successful, surround yourself with successful people.

His laziness started to affect me, especially in the middle of this cold-ass polar vortex fucking winter.  I would opt to stay in and watch TV instead of go work out in the morning.   I longed for the days when I lived in a Frathouse with dudes who were always up for working out, debating intellectual topics, or brainstorming money making ideas.  Luckily, I realized how he was affecting me and nipped the negativity in the bud.

5) To greet people, look them in the eye and call them by name.

When I got home, I would be greeted with the pothead stare-ahead, not at me, and some sort of indecipherable grunt.  This is not how you should treat people in your life.   If you believe you are important, people should notice when you walk into a room, and you should notice when other people walk into a room.  The proper, accepted greeting for men is to make eye contact and at least acknowledge the other person with an audible greeting.

4) Call people out on their shit immediately.

When we moved in, Frank told me, “Hey man, if you want to drink the vodka in the freezer, I think it was left here by the girls who lived here before.”

Say no more–it was gone in a few weeks after my friends and I demolished it. A few weeks after I had finished it, he brought it up: “Hey why did you drink that vodka?”

“You said it was for everyone.”

“No I didn’t, why would I say that?”

Okay, what I didn’t realize what that Frank was probably too high to remember our conversation.  So I figured maybe I had heard him wrong and replaced the vodkas I had drank.  Nice thing to do, right?  Wrong.

I had given Sr. Beta an inch of niceness, and like a crafty female he started making other requests and complaints:

“I need to get in the shower, NOW!” (imagine a girly, nasaly voice)

“Why is this window open?  What did YOU do?  Why would you leave the window open?” (I had just arrived home from being out all night).

His blaming and bitching continued until a breaking point incident until I flipped my shit and started yelling at him (an extreme rarity for me).

I blame myself for not drawing the line in the sand earlier.  But I learned my lesson.  Never again.


3) If you don’t improve yourself, you’ll get low quality girls

His girlfriend came and stayed in our place one night, and she was pretty much what I expected from a dude like Frank: Rounded and ugly.  Additionally though, she was super bitchy.  My instant thought was, How can this girl be fat, ugly, and have a horrible personality?  I mean I understand hot and bitchy, since no one calls you out on how you act since they want to fuck you.  His girl was a bitchy landbeast who yelled at Frank to do the dishes. While being a fucking guest in our house.  Good god.  But when you have no options, low self-esteem and are not doing anything to improve yourself, this is the kind of woman you must put up with.  

2) Pot is the opium of this generation

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good toke as much as the next guy, especially as a nightcap. Hell, one of my best friends in college may or may not have been a proprietor of illegal substances…But Frank is waking and baking every single day.  In a fucked-up way though it has a sort of logic to it: his life sucks, he has no girls around, so he has to fill the hours with something.  Why not pot and video games?  It eases the pain. At age 18, whatever.  But bro, you’re 27.  Get a Life.  Which brings me to point #1…

1) Instead of Doing NOTHING, do SOMETHING

The easiest improvement you can make in your life is doing SOMETHING good for you instead of doing NOTHING.  It’s truly amazing how much this simple rule can transform your life. For example:

Instead of sitting here not talking to that cute girl, say SOMETHING to her.

Instead of sitting at home, GO TO THE GYM.  Even if you don’t know what the fuck you are doing at first.

Instead of thinking about how out of shape you are, go for a run. Doesn’t matter if it’s 1 mile or 10.  Hardest step is the first out the door.

Obviously your ‘Somethings’ need to be directed at some productive area, I hear the dumbasses saying in the background ‘But Keanu video games ARE something!”

Yea, but playing video games produces no MEASURABLE, POSITIVE RESULT.

Working out results in a beach body.

Writing a blog post results in better writing skills and intellectual development.

Talking to that cute girl results in a fun conversation, and who knows maybe a bang.



That’s it.  Now go DO something.

2 responses to “8 Things I learned from Living with a Beta Roommate

  1. Reblogged this on aneroidocean and commented:
    I do nothing too often. Doing something always feels better long term, just sucks maybe a bit in the beginning. Man, eye opening. I remember guys like this. Need to be the opposite.


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