A man is most happy in a prison of his own choosing

“A man is most happy in a prison of his own choosing.”  Some thoughts.

Indeed, how true this quote rings.  It seems that I am in the exact opposite throes of this question.  Let’s do a little analysis.

To be happy in a prison of your own choosing infers that you have consciously carved out your place in life.  How hard it is to carve out such a purpose, when one knows so little at the age when one makes the decisions that affect the outcome of one’s life.  But then, you must choose your position and be okay with it.  I, in this moment, feel like I have not necessarily chosen my space in life, or that I have not necessarily actively carved out my position in life.  I feel reactive.  Not proactive.  A prison…not my choosing.

Why do I feel like this?  Is this just red pill awareness at it’s finest?  Some of the thoughts which most occupy my mind are those of bitterness and missing out.  Is this just the Beta’s lament?  I have a wonderful girlfriend who is pretty and sweet and kind and smart, a beautiful person.  25 years old and we are been through a decent amount together.  I am reasonably sure that she will be faithful to me.  She indeed wants to build a life with me. She has expressed this interest.  She loves me a lot.

Yet I find myself concentrating on the negatives of the relationship: I have at age 26 with some healthy life experience, a slight knowledge of some game concepts, visibly noticed an up tic in the kind of girl I am able to attract.  I flirt with them all the time to get their numbers, but then don’t follow up.  It’s for sport.  And I feel shitty about it after.  But wow is it fun: to finally be able to attract legit hottie girls, the girls that I never managed to get with in high school.

So this, then, is what it comes down to: almost a biblical understanding of temptation.  At 26, do I choose a relationship and long term security, stability, or the way of the lone wolf: adventure, hop from one semi-relationship to another, enjoying the unprecedented carnal pleasures that this century’s 2nd wave sexual revolution has to offer?  And take advantage of the hotties I am finally able to really enjoy, having essentially never lived by myself in an apartment where I can bring girls back, and never had the degree of ‘game’ that I have now?

This is what I struggle with.  It is an unsettling struggle.  And sometimes I wish something could happen one way or the other so that I could just be forced into a decision.  GF gets pregnant: I stay with her and make the most of it.  One of us fucks up and gets with someone else: I can easily choose the way of the lone wolf and fully embrace it.

The problem, though, is the cognitive dissonance that occurs when one doesn’t accept one’s position.  Beliefs cannot exist that are in direct contradiction with one’s behavior for long.  Either the belief or the behavior MUST be altered so that one’s beliefs and actions are in sync with each other.

10 responses to “A man is most happy in a prison of his own choosing

  1. That unsettled feeling, the notion that you are missing out on life – it will never go away whilst you are in a relationship. It’s basically your way of telling yourself that you have unfinished business with your life. You have not reached your ultimate potential. You have not explored everything you can be, and everthing you can do. Time spend in a monagomous relationship, whilst it can be fulfilling, represents a virtual stagnation in your self-development.

    That said, the single life is at times not all it is cracked up to be. You will go through at least a couple of years of emotional hardship and pain, shorn of the protection of your relationship. You will experience depressive lows, but also great highs, as you push yourself further and develop in ways you never thought possible.

    I found myself in a very similar situation to you when I was your age. I’d been in an LTR for 6 years. A “friend” ended up informing my ex, who he had fallen in love with in spectacular beta fashion, of my numerous infedilities thereby taking the decision away from me. I was not ready to embrace the red pill at the time, and I ended up in another 2 year LTR afterwards, throughout which again I had the “gnawing” feeling. It eventually ended in summer 2011, after which I went travelling the world on my own. Ever since then, my development has sky-rocketed, punctuated by periods of misery and self-doubt, which are inevitable.

    Largely now out the other side, I can honestly say it is the single best thing that ever happened to me. I am 10 times the man I was. I am confident, happy with my life, and fulfilled. I do not wake up every day, wondering “what if”. My life and my destiny is in my own hands. I wake up excited about the possibilities the day can bring. Initially, it was just about the getting the girls. But it became so much more, striving to reach my potential as a man. Women eventually fade to just another part of the whole.

    95% of my male friends are all in relationships, and secretly voice their “what ifs” to me, but none of them have the guts to just end it and strike out on their own. Several of them are now married with kids – mid-life crisis material if ever I saw it.

    My advice? End it. Go explore the world. But with a note of caution – you’ll end up a more callous person with a hardened heart. Game has a way of doing that to people. You’ve got to decide if that’s a price you’re willing to pay.

      • He was too beta, he maybe got one drunken pity fuck out of her. He became her emotional tampon for about 6 months, before getting his heart broken when she just shacked up with the next alpha that came along.

        Can’t say I had much sympathy, but looking back he unintentionally did me a favour.

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  3. I was in the same thing 3 years ago. In a LTR, an itch for more, and starting to get women more attractive than the one I was dating hitting on me (not many, didn’t have game).

    I ended up getting into a graduate school and moving from Portland OR to Boston, ditching the girl but still paying my half of rent till the lease was up.

    It was easy at first – a summer of parties, drinking, and women. But then I buckled down at grad school. Then hated school and moved to Chicago. Now hating my career choices and looking to get into the trades. Every time I’ve started carving out that space I’ve found I don’t like the space I’ve started carving.

    But I don’t have any doubts about my past choices and missing out, or doing so in the future. I don’t have doubts about all of my life belonging to me.

    I will second all of Yousowould’s last paragraph.

  4. I am in the same boat. Became red pill aware a little over a year ago and started down the self improvement path while in a 2 year LTR. Eventually experienced very attractive women hitting on me, reciprocating, giving me the attention I never had.

    I cheated on the LTR girl, which she forgave, but after going back to her, I still felt the gnawing feeling of needing more. I had a small taste of the red pill lifestyle and wanted it all. Began to see all of the negatives of the LTR girl, and couldn’t escape the grass is greener on the other side feeling.

    Now about one month into the single, red pill lifestyle. Days are up and down between regret for leaving and excitement for what’s next. Excited to hear how your journey.

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