“A man is most happy in a prison of his own choosing.” Some thoughts.
Indeed, how true this quote rings. It seems that I am in the exact opposite throes of this question. Let’s do a little analysis.
To be happy in a prison of your own choosing infers that you have consciously carved out your place in life. How hard it is to carve out such a purpose, when one knows so little at the age when one makes the decisions that affect the outcome of one’s life. But then, you must choose your position and be okay with it. I, in this moment, feel like I have not necessarily chosen my space in life, or that I have not necessarily actively carved out my position in life. I feel reactive. Not proactive. A prison…not my choosing.
Why do I feel like this? Is this just red pill awareness at it’s finest? Some of the thoughts which most occupy my mind are those of bitterness and missing out. Is this just the Beta’s lament? I have a wonderful girlfriend who is pretty and sweet and kind and smart, a beautiful person. 25 years old and we are been through a decent amount together. I am reasonably sure that she will be faithful to me. She indeed wants to build a life with me. She has expressed this interest. She loves me a lot.
Yet I find myself concentrating on the negatives of the relationship: I have at age 26 with some healthy life experience, a slight knowledge of some game concepts, visibly noticed an up tic in the kind of girl I am able to attract. I flirt with them all the time to get their numbers, but then don’t follow up. It’s for sport. And I feel shitty about it after. But wow is it fun: to finally be able to attract legit hottie girls, the girls that I never managed to get with in high school.
So this, then, is what it comes down to: almost a biblical understanding of temptation. At 26, do I choose a relationship and long term security, stability, or the way of the lone wolf: adventure, hop from one semi-relationship to another, enjoying the unprecedented carnal pleasures that this century’s 2nd wave sexual revolution has to offer? And take advantage of the hotties I am finally able to really enjoy, having essentially never lived by myself in an apartment where I can bring girls back, and never had the degree of ‘game’ that I have now?
This is what I struggle with. It is an unsettling struggle. And sometimes I wish something could happen one way or the other so that I could just be forced into a decision. GF gets pregnant: I stay with her and make the most of it. One of us fucks up and gets with someone else: I can easily choose the way of the lone wolf and fully embrace it.
The problem, though, is the cognitive dissonance that occurs when one doesn’t accept one’s position. Beliefs cannot exist that are in direct contradiction with one’s behavior for long. Either the belief or the behavior MUST be altered so that one’s beliefs and actions are in sync with each other.