I recently was forwarded a TED talk on how to maintain desire in a long term relationship. It is given by Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. It’s a really good talk, and I highly recommend you click through and watch it if you have 20 minutes today to learn about the erotic dynamics of marriage.
Why does good sex so often fade, even for couples who continue to love each other as much as ever?
A few of her points:
1) When I look at my partner from a comfortable distance, I am most attracted to him/her.
I agree completely. Start working out and get some hobbies, let your LTR see you on a stage.
2) There is no neediness in desire…Caretaking is mightily loving, it’s a powerful anti-afrodisiac.
I could not agree more. Kill your inner Beta, and for God’s sake, don’t be needy.
3) Frame lack of desire in terms of ‘I turn myself off when’ instead of ‘YOU turn me off when…’
This is where I hear some therapist babble coming on. This is true to a point. But if you are fat, out of shape, and a supplicating Beta who give’s in to his wife/GF’s every whim, then the lack of desire is actually your fault.
4) The more responsible you feel with someone, the less you are able to let go with someone.
Me: This is the madonna-whore complex in a nutshell, something that I have noticed with women throughout my life. Dirty sex with a girl I really like and could see even a short term future with is more difficult to do.
This is all old news for a redpiller, but the TED talk is good, especially if you want to forward it to a blue-piller and have beginning red pill discussions.
If you are wondering what the manosphere would add to this discussion, I would direct you to these posts: