The ability to instantly communicate with anyone just about anywhere on the globe has turned into a ubiquitous part of our culture. The culprits are gchat, email, but especially texting. I’m not saying easier communication is bad for us but I am saying that it has created a generation of people for whom constant validation has become the norm.
Take ex-texting. This is a common practice in couples these days, obviously. Let’s throw out a scenario: Guy dates girl for one year, girl and guy break up and start dating new people, but continue to stay in occasion friendly contact keeping each other on the back-burner, through texting and chat.
Or similar: girl and guy are fuckbuddies for a few weeks.
I came across a yahoo thread the other day where many people were deciding if the texting that their new gfs/bfs were doing with their ex’s crossed the line. They were obviously insecure and and wanted to know what is the ‘norm’ for texting ex’s, how much is to much, what kind of friendship is appropriate to allow their new ex’s to take on, etc.
I found this question of ‘what is normal’ to be very interesting, as people seemed to be missing the point: there is no ‘NORMAL.’ This issue just came into being a few years ago.
Did my dad worry about my mom texting her ex’s when they were dating in the 80s? Fuck no. No such thing. If she wanted to get in touch with someone from her past, she had to CALL them on a fucking landline, risking talking to HIS new gf and creating a whole drama factor there. Even moreso before phones. For tens of thousands of years of humanity, if you went to see someone that you had fucked, yea you better believe some jealous emotions surfaced if either partner knew about the encounter. Now, when you grew up with texting and Facebook as a part of your life, it’s not even an afterthought as to whether or not you should occasionally text ex’s and see what they are up to these days, how they are doing, whatever. Again, if we go back to the years previous to the 90s or so, if you find our your ex wrote a letter or called someone who they had been with intimately, that’s a fucking conversation. Now the conversation is ‘my gf/bf is way jealous, s/he freaked out when I got in touch with (ex’s name).’ The paradigm has effectively shifted.
Think about that: you are dating a girl and she gets a text from some guy. “Who’s that?”
“Oh, that’s just Mark.”
“Yea where do you know him from?”
“Well we hooked up for a couple of weeks…oh that was a long time ago though. And it was just a hookup, nothing serious.”
Thanks for that. I feel great about putting in lots of effort to dating you now.
Is being continuously romantically validated by several guys/girls normal for you? Do you chat up your ex at the drop of a hat on gchat? Yea it’s a nice benefit of technology to chat with old friends, but keep in mind: why do guys keep in touch with old flings? Yea it’s nice to have good female friends, but you better believe that not far beneath the surface of our skull we are thinking, “hey, I slept with this girl. Why not keep the the oven at like 100 degrees in case shit goes south with her bf? I’ll be right there to pull the ex swoop.” Not sure if ladies feel the same.