Dan was a typical ‘nice guy.’ He was smart, but he was by no means a genius. He had gotten into our moderately selective liberal arts college as a math major. Dan was not what you would call a social butterfly, but the odds were stacked in his favor at our liberal arts college where girls made up 66% of the student body. Dan did all of the conventional things you are supposed to do be successful with women, like treat them nice, buy them flowers, spend money on them, etc. Unfortunately, that attitude got him nowhere. After three years in a sexless relationship he even ended up in a mental hospital after a breakdown. This is his story.
* * *
Dan’s dad was a heavy drinker, so he swore he wouldn’t drink in order to be productive. He was smart and had attended one of the best high schools in the nation. He got good grades but though he lacked a little bit of initiative. Overall though, Dan was a great guy. He would never DREAM of cheating on a girl, Dan was incredibly awkward around girls. He wasn’t bad looking, although he had little style and no vibe.
In the middle of our freshmen year of college, Dan found a gf. She was tolerable, and became roommate #2.5 for the rest of the year. She and Dan were in a stable relationship for three years. Dan could not have been a more dedicated boyfriend. She was his only focus.
Unfortunately, in being so dedicated, he was exuding more clinginess then attraction. Yes, there was probably more to their decision than just lack of raw attraction, but for 3 years, Dan and his gf did not have sex. Let me repeat that for clarity: there was no penis-vagina contact between them. FOR THREE YEARS OF MONOGAMY. AT A LIBERAL ARTS COLLGE.
After 3 years, his lack of coitus was getting to him. He pressured her more for it, and like a Chinese finger trap, she tightened up even more and was put off by his desperation. Finally, he couldn’t take it any more and broke it off.
The same night that Dan broke off his relationship, he made one of the most tragic decisions I have witnessed, although it did have a certain logic fucked up logic to it: he went home with a random girl. She was a butch, chain-smoking tomboy with a boyfriend. All Dan wanted was to get some ass, and ButchBlondie was happy to cheat on her boyfriend and oblige him.
I was saddened: Dan lost his V-card to a rando who he had absolutely no interest in personally after having spent three years in a loving relationship with a girl he was truly romantically attracted to. If only he could have had his first sexual experience be positive. It was unfortunate to see such a negative precedent set for his romantic life: love means no sex, and sex is better off to be had with a rando.
The summer after we graduated, Dan had a full on breakdown. He had to be interned at a mental hospital for a few weeks. I can’t help but make the connection between Dan’s lack of sex and the breakdown, although I doubt a conventional diagnosis would do so.
Personally, I have almost always been lucky enough that I have rarely had a shortage of available girls who want to hook up with me. The only time I have been in a real rough drought was the first 11 months I was in the Peace Corps, when I was living in an isolated rural farmtown with zero available girls in the vicinity. I tell you what though, after those 11 months I was starting to feel pretty on-edge myself. I was starting to think the 45 year old senoras with 8 kids were ‘not entirely unattractive…even after no beers. (Love those well-suckled mom-boobs. Yum!)
This is why I find offensive articles like this one which shame guys for seeking to better their skills with women. Whether they get that advice from a dating coach, pua, or just a friend who wants to help is irrelevant. How else are guys supposed to figure women out? Magic?
To say that Dan and people like him shouldn’t be allowed a dating coach is laughable. Think of the ensuing outroar if the female equivalent were printed: that women should not be allowed to seek dating advice on how to find the best mate. Yes, we should ban Cosmo. The only place an article like that would ever be published would be The Onion. Crazy.
Whoever thinks that this generation of men is unaffected by watching loads of dirty porn and then hiding those desires from their pedestalized girlfriends is simply mistaken. I believe it is greatly disrupting guys’ mentalities toward honesty in relationships and causing us to have even greater Madonna-whore complexes than normal. We need to work on being honest with ourselves. Nice guy Dan fapping it every day is not a positive expression of sexuality. Men and women don’t need to feel shame for their desires, they need to work on a mutual, healthy, loving outlet for them.
Do you have a ridiculously bad virginity losing story? Send it to me at youngmanredpill [at] gmail [dot] com.