After having lived abroad for a couple of years in my early twenties and now come back to my hometown, it’s fun to meet up with old friends and dissect their game and views about how to get women. I’m still no guru, but I continuously shock them with enlightening opinions about what they are doing wrong, not doing, or over doing. I had a conversation recently with a friend of mine who has really come into his own over the last couple of years while I’ve been gone, and it’s awesome to see how he has changed. In pua terms, he has put his inner game on lockdown: he’s happy in his job and is making money, has been working out and looks good, and has developed an edgy sense of humor. I see him go to work on girls in bars and I can tell the girls have him on their radar now who wouldn’t have even considered him before. He’s only got one more hoop to clear: putting his closing game on lock down. He is one read of Bang away from ending his scarcity mentality on girls.
Over beers we were chatting about girls and dates. I was saying how I had not taken a girl out on an actual ‘date date’ to a nice place in over two years, and that I thought it was a waste of time and $ especially if you are only looking for something casual, which he is. He said that he doesn’t think dates are necessary either, but that he likes going out to fancy new places to try out different kinds of food for himself, and that he enjoys taking out girls on dates just for fun, attractive female company in fine dining spots.
That’s all fine and good if you want some solid company as you try out that sweet new sushi place, but by default, the vibe you are putting out by taking a girl to a nice place and paying for everything is that you want to be a provider for her, not that you just want her for a slam piece. I gave him that exact advice, using a lot of FFY’s Dating is Dead logic. From the look on his face, you would have thought I was a tarot card reader who just accurately described a vivid event in his past. Which, actually, I had, I as he explained to me:
“That’s funny you say that girls you take to a nice place get the wrong message, because the same girl I had taken out to [fancyplace] came over to my apartment a couple of nights later. We were in my room, with clothes flying off. We are just a few items of clothing away from crossing the line, and she hits me with ‘Hey, I’m sorry, I can’t do this. It’s just…I’m not interested in a relationship at all and I don’t want to hurt you. I’m kind of looking for something not so serious. It’s better if you don’t get involved with me. I’m going to go.’
“So I came back with, ‘Oh no, are you kidding me? That is totally fine with me. Let’s go for it.’
“She responds ‘No, Jeremy, c’mon. I know guys like you…You’re a nice guy. I can’t do this to you. I’ll see you later, okay?’ And she gives me a kiss on the cheek and leaves.”
The irony was thick enough to hack with an ax: Jeremy is not interested at all in a relationship right now, yet he couldn’t properly convey that to a girl who also wasn’t interested in a relationship and got friend zoned. His last second recovery attempt was weak and strictly verbal, and thus failed.
Throughout their interactions he hadn’t conveyed the proper vibe to the girl via his actions and vibe, so she left. There are lots of ways to remedy this problem, but I offered him three concrete points of advice to ponder:
A) Don’t take her to a nice place, especially for a first date. Wait until you have locked her down as a casual hookup buddy to bring her as company to a nice place. Take her to a bar or somewhere casual on the first date.
B) Work in some of Krauser’s overt sexual comments to make your sexual intentions known. “I just checked your [insert attractive part of body]. I approve.”
C) Sometimes, the most effective route is the easiest: just be straightforward and tell the honest truth: “Hey, you seem really cool and I’m enjoying hanging out with you tonight. But just so you know, I’m not really looking for a serious relationship right now.” Bam. Either she is down or she isn’t, and this way their is no wasting either of your time on future dates. Win/win or no deal. I will say that sometimes more subtlety could be required, but with a lot of American girls, the direct approach works fine.
One experience solidified this view for me. I had a very drunken one night stand with a cute girl, and a month later we were at a hotel pre-gaming before going out for the night. The group separated for everybody to shower and get ready to head to the bars, and I walked her back to her room, saying that I wanted to have a quick chat. When I arrived, I said the following:
“Hey, I that was pretty fun what we did a month ago…but I just wanted to let you know that I’m not looking for anything serious at all right now. I mean, hooking up is fun but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I’m just looking for something casual at this point in my life.”
Her: “Are you kidding me? I’m not looking for anything serious right now either.”
Me: “Okay cool. (pause, slightly shocked) So…do you want to have a quickie before we go to the bars tonight?”
Her: “Yea. Yea that’s totally cool. How much time do we have?”
We banged before and after the bars, and many times after.
It sounds almost too basic and easy to just be so direct. I was shocked at how this one turned out for me the first time I tried it. Surely there are situations and girls that call for slightly more subtlety of intentions. But this is one of the effects that the 3rd wave has brought to society: girls are often just as down for an F-buddy as are guys. In some situations, all you need to do is be honest with yourself and your lady friend and make sure there is no doubt about your intentions. It might sound and on some level counterintuitive, but it’s worth a try. And the cool thing is that once you are in, you’re in for good. There is never any doubt between the two of you that you are in a sexual relationship.
This is not any kind of breakthrough in human knowledge. Unfortunately my blue pill generation is just too unaware of how the real world works. Cognitive dissonance appears again; for many guys it is counterintuitive that to take a girl to a less classy place will actually help you get some. To conclude, I’ll let Ice Cube in his NWA days break it down in lay person’s term:
I tell a girl in a minute, yo, I drive a bucket, and won’t think nothin’ of it
She can ride or walk, either leave it, or love it.
A brotha like me is only out for one thing
I think with my dingaling but I won’t bring no flowers to your doorstep
When we goin’ out
Cuz you’ll take it for granted no doubt
And after the date, I wanna do the wild thang
You want lobster? HA, I’m thinkin’ Burger King